I’m so tempted to title this “A Happy Hind End,” but perhaps not?
I’m back from Juneau, where I recently had my first colonoscopy (see For Halloween: My Own Personal Horror Show!).
Despite any personal inconvenience or embarrassment, all went well. The doctors and nurses took excellent care of me, the process proved far less egregious than I’d imagined, and the results, as far as they’ve gone at this point, are good.
The Lion in Winter full Haines cast in a candid shot of a professional photo shoot. (L-R): Jed Blum-Evitts as King Philip of France, Riyan Stossel as Prince Geoffrey, Dominic Stossel as Prince John, Amanda Randles as Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine, Ryan Staska as Prince Richard, Mark Zeiger as King Henry II, Gina Randles as Princess Alais (Photo: Michelle L. Zeiger).
If anything, my own concern for “getting it right the first time” created the most difficulties. I started out at the doctor’s office, where I received a reasonable schedule for taking the required laxative (along with the most entertaining off-the-cuff medical lecture I’ve ever seen! I won’t go into detail, for decorum’s sake, and because it requires a good deal of pantomime to get the full effect, but if you see me sometime, ask me, I’ll show you!).
However, I gleaned the information that the procedure had to follow the laxative treatment soon enough that one’s GI tract doesn’t secrete a mucous coating that could invalidate the procedure. My next stop, at the hospital, revealed that my procedure was scheduled for late the next day; I returned to the doctor’s office with this information, and they revised my laxative schedule to ensure that no mucous would develop.
So, instead of a miserable Halloween evening of drinking bad-tasting laxatives and . . . doing what follows naturally, I had to get up at 2:00 a.m. and start the hours-long process.
I made it, and, after checking into day surgery and getting tucked into a medical bed, I actually slept away the hour or so of waiting before the procedure. That was nice!
Some of my theater family and me . . . because they’re SO much prettier than any photos taken during the colonoscopy! (Photo: Michelle L. Zeiger).
Now, they told me that the meds they gave me would give me amnesia. I might be conscious during the procedure, but I wouldn’t remember any of it. The fact is, while I might not be able to remember all of it, I sure remember a heck of a lot of it! That was the strangest television show I’ve ever seen: “Inside Mark’s Colon” complete with big screen enlargements, and an entertaining graphic showing what the scope was doing, although not where it was at that moment.
They found and removed two small polyps. They’ll be biopsied, and I’ll find out about them later, but the doctor never gasped in horror upon finding them, or anything worrying like that.
I spent a day with a friend in town, got my contacts checked and approved, and ferried home Friday, where I returned to the bosom of my family, and my stage family.
I’m a happy, and apparently healthy, man.