Like the two-part essay, How to Beat the Post-Holiday “Blues”, I wrote this article for a now-defunct Web site. And, as before, I need to cut it into two parts for space. As indicated by the first paragraph, the original title “prompt” offended me, so I put things in the right perspective—from my point-of-view. I hope this helps as the holiday season begins!
How to make time for your children during the holiday rush? Let’s turn this on its ear: your children should come first!
If you find that holiday obligations prevent you from spending quality time with your children, it’s time to reset your priorities. With a bit of planning, preparation, and perspective, it is possible.
“Christmas is for children!” (L-R): David kicks back while Mark and Beth Zeiger scan for Santa in the skies over Sitka, Alaska. Mother, Gertie, catches a moment’s rest. Maybe 1969 or 1970? (Photo: Gail Woodland).
Planning
Ideally, to properly accomplish all you deem necessary during the holidays, your holiday planning should start before the season begins. If it’s too late to plan for the current season now, that’s fine. As this season plays out, note where and how you can improve next year. Where possible, lay the groundwork for better holidays in the future.
Holiday planning should be done as a family, although you may want to do some preliminaries with your spouse or on your own, then present your plan to the family. Children likely won’t care about many of the details; they really only need to agree to the final plan.
The first step: define the parameters of the season. What, for you and your family, constitutes The Holiday Season? Mark all the days of your traditional observance on the calendar as Sacred Territory. Devote these days to what matters most to you: family? Church? Work? Friends? List them, and to the extent possible, prioritize in order of importance. This will show where you need to focus your time and effort.
Next, list everything you “need” to do during the holiday: decorating, shopping, school concerts, parties, anything and everything you can think of. If you’re planning early, you may not yet know all you’ll need to do, or when. No matter! The more you list, the better prepared you’ll be. The unknown and unexpected will fit in better if you have a firm grasp of most of what you need to accomplish.
Once you have your obligations list, re-evaluate this term “need.” Which items have to be done? Which do you want to do? Are there any that you don’t want to do? Prioritize the list, making notes as needed.
Certainly, there will be many tasks you don’t want to do, but have no choice. Perhaps there’s some way to get out of them? If you can, cancel! Do so proactively. Contact those who will be affected by your decision as soon as possible (remember, reducing your own stress should not add stress to others!). Explain to them that you won’t be able to do the task this year. If you absolutely can’t cancel, tell them that this is the last year you will take responsibility for it. If anyone asks, tell them, “It’s the holidays; I need to spend this time with my children.” There are very few, if any, valid arguments against that.
Once you’ve done this, forget about it. It’s no longer an issue. Time to move on. Don’t allow yourself to feel guilty! That will cloud your holiday, lessening your enjoyment of the season.
As you prioritize activities, give preference to those you want to do. The holidays are for you as well! If you’re doing something you love, usually your children are part of it.
Next part: Preparation and Perspective.